no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Randomize
