if i can run in heels then i can drive
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
