I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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