I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
