Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
