I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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