My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize