Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
