I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize