Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
