I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
