Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
