I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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