No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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