It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
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