Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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