I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
