look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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