So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
