Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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