Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I am one with the molecules
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
