I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize