I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
So. Much. Porn.
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