My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
