your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
