4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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