I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
