I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
