Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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