There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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