Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
