We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
