He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize