franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
