we have pet lesbian snakes
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
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