i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize