Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
