Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
