Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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