i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
