Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I understand Curling. That high.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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