I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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