i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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