Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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