She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize