never play flip cup with pint glasses
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
