Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
