I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
