He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
