the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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