i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
