I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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