my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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