I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
