I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
