The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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