Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
