You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
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