I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
