when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
