If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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