So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
