He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize