just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
he fucked my hip out of place.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
