went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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