Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
