12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
