HIV tests are more positive than that guy
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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