My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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