She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize