i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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