So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize