I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
