woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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