Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize