I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
