So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
