Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
