that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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