I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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