I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
