I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
