i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
