i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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