i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
