My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
