Can Purell be used as lube?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
