it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize