he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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