Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
