Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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