If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
