Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
