I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
