made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
My dick has a subreddit
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize