Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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