I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
