Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
