Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
